


Knives

by KagSesshlove



Series: Grade School [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Bruce is avoiding his children probably, Gen, and cass being the best sister, batbros, batfam, because this would happen, can't tell me otherwise, obvs, those idiot brothers, yes it would
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 03:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6267901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KagSesshlove/pseuds/KagSesshlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine that Damian goes to a regular school full time. And has to do things that normal grade-schoolers have to do. Like leave weapons at home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knives

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything.
> 
> Warnings: Contains the most precious individual in the world. Also, bad commentary from ridiculous but adorable boys.
> 
> Bruce has been on an off-world mission since Dami left for the first day of school. He will be back in a few chapters. Just let me enjoy the adorable bat!siblings.

Dick walked into Damian’s room with a smile on his face. “You ready, Dami?”

“In a minute, Grayson.”

“You’ll be late~”

Damian gave him a look that very clearly said, “And I care why?”, but what came out of his mouth was, “You drive faster than Pennyworth; I’m hardly worried.”

“Are you insinuating that I break road laws?”

“Are you trying to say you don’t?”

Dick’s snicker was cut off abruptly when he saw what his little brother was doing.

“DAMIAN!”

Damian turned to him sharply, looking confused. “What are you yelling about, Grayson?”

“You can’t bring knives to school, Damian!”

“Why not? I did it yesterday.”

Dick put a hand to his head and took in a deep breath. “Well, then we can be glad that the only thing your teacher called about was your disrespect and your lies.”

“I wasn’t lying about drugging Drake.”

“I know, but she thought you were. Which was a good thing, otherwise there would have been a whole lot more questions.”

“Tt.”

“Damian. No knives, please.”

Damian shot him a glare, but took the four knives out of his backpack. “Fine. But if something happens and I can’t properly defend-”

“I’ve seen you fight hand-to-hand, Damian,” Dick cut in wryly. “You’ll be fine.”

Damian grumbled under his breath and slipped his now knife-free backpack on. “Let’s go, then.”

“Right.”

* * *

 

Dick smiled as Jason went through Damian’s backpack looking for a pencil.

“Find another pencil, Todd!” Damian snarled.

“I’d rather take one of yours- Is this my knife?” Jason asked, pulling the weapon from the depths of Damian’s backpack with an incredulous expression.

“You brought a knife to school?” Tim asked, not sounding surprised.

“I could have cut myself! And why do you have my knife?”

“It’s my knife now; you threw it at me, and then I claimed it. Therefore, it belongs to me.”

“Yeah, well, you could have warned me,” Jason muttered, somehow not able to argue with that logic. And also, unfazed by the fact that Damian had brought a knife to school.

Dick wondered if he was the only sane member of the family - and how was that possible?

( _Wait, there’s still Cass and Alfie. We’re good._ )

“Damian!”

“Again, Grayson?”

“I told you this morning not to bring knives to school. You took them out of your backpack!”

“I took four out of my backpack. You didn’t really think I would only take four knives with me, did you?” 

“Because all the other kids take five,” Tim interjected snidely.

Damian snarled silently.

“Damian!” Dick repeated, because honestly - this was unbelievable, but at the same time, entirely predictable. 

( _How did I miss that?_ )

“If you don’t want me taking knives to school, then do a better search,” Damian stated, snatching his bag from Jason who was still looking for a pencil. 

“Brat.”

“I’m going to train.”

Dick groaned and buried his face in his hands.

He didn’t feel like getting a call tomorrow. 

It was _so_ on.

* * *

 

”No, Damian. How many times do I have to tell you that you can’t bring weapons to school?”

“Grayson, If I get attacked-”

“No, Dami.”

“Or see a crime in progress-”

“You’re in elementary school!”

“Age doesn’t prevent people from performing crimes, Grayson.”

“You can’t bring knives to school.”

Damian glared at him as he went through the younger’s backpack, but Dick remained unaffected. 

If Damian wanted him to search better, then he’d search better.

“So, how much you wanna’ bet Dick doesn’t find all the knives?”

“I hate to say it, but it’s a sucker’s bet,” Tim replied.

Dick pouted at them. “Thanks for the support guys.”

Jason gave him a thumbs up, and Dick rolled his eyes.

( _Younger brothers. Really._ )

“Ha!” Dick exclaimed, pulling a knife out of the pencil case.

“That’s where the pencils were.”

“Where else, genius?”

“Shut up, Tim.”

Damian gritted his teeth as he stared at Dick, and Dick just smirked, giving the backpack back. “Now, you can go. Tell Alfie I’m sorry to keep him waiting.”

Damian snatched his backpack away and stomped off, grumbling under his breath the whole time.

“Should’ve bet on Dickiebird.”

“Yeah, didn’t see that coming.”

“Did you check his pockets?” Cass asked, speaking for the first time.

The three of them stared at her.

Dick cursed. “DAMIAN!!!!!”

“I didn’t think Babybat could act that well, honestly,” Jason commented.

“Demon’s full of surprises.”

* * *

 

“Empty your pockets,” Dick demanded, as soon as Damian stepped through the front door.

“Tim!” Jason yelled. “Tim, our new favorite show is on!”

“Pause it; I’m coming!”

Dick rolled his eyes and turned to look at his other brothers. “You two are so not helping.”

“Shame,” Jason drawled.

“Because we, obviously, live to be useful,” Tim said.

“Pockets, Dami,” Dick repeated, deciding to ignore them.

Damian cocked an eyebrow, looking at them all with a mixture of exasperation and outright annoyance, but complied. Dick frowned when there were no knives.

“It almost seems as though you wanted me to have taken knives to school, Grayson. Have you changed your mind?”

Dick eyed him curiously, crossing his arms.

“And Nightwing is thrown for a loop as Robin comes up clean!” Jason muttered.

“Will this be the end of the elder vigilante’s knife-searching days? Has Robin given up his life of crime as a weapon’s smuggler?” Tim chimed in.

Jason and Tim snickered at the look Dick shot them.

 _(They’re not helping at all._ )

“Give me your backpack,” Dick said suddenly.

The smirk fell off of Damian’s face. “You already-“

“Backpack, Dami,” Dick said, grinning.

There was a pause as they stared at one another. Then Damian took off. Dick’s jaw dropped.

“Is he serious?”

“They always run; don’t they know that never works?” Tim asked dryly.

“And the chase begins!” Jason commented.

Dick could hear his brothers following after him and he shook his head, wondering what it was about this family.

( _Honestly. This is insane_.)

The three of them came to a stop in the hallway, and Dick had to muffle his laughter. Tim and Jason didn’t even try.

Damian shot a glare at them before going back to reaching for his backpack; Cass was holding it conveniently out of his reach. Dick wondered when she’d come to the conclusion that she should join in when it came to teasing Damian.

“Cain,” Damian muttered, gritting his teeth and balling his fists at his sides.

Cass just shrugged and walked over to them, handing Dick the backpack. Dick grinned at her, winking.

“I can’t believe you ran,” Dick said, turning to Damian and putting a hand on his hip, doing his best to come off less amused and more stern. He wasn’t sure it was working.

“This isn’t over, Grayson,” Damian said, stomping off to his room.

Dick chuckled and unzipped the backpack. “Six, really? Six knives,” he said, staring at Cass.

“And Robin’s dastardly plot is foiled thanks to the efforts of Blackbat and Nightwing.”

“Tune in tomorrow for the next episode of Nightwing vs. Robin!” Jason exclaimed.

“You two are having way too much fun with this.”

Tim gave Dick an unimpressed look. “This is literally the only good part about having Damian as my younger brother; let me enjoy it, please.”

Jason snickered, and Dick just sighed.

“Thank you for being the sane one, Cass.”

She smiled. “Only for now.”

* * *

 

Dick groaned as he looked at the caller ID.

“Who is it?” Tim asked, looking up from his computer.

“Damian’s school.”

( _Should they even be calling while he’s still there? I don’t want to answer this._ )

“Oh my- Jay! Jay! It’s happening!”

Dick groaned as Jason jogged into the living room from the kitchen.

“What’s happening?”

“The school is calling.”

“What?” Jason asked sharply, turning to Dick and the still ringing phone. “Answer it, Dick! I swear if you don’t, I will never forgive you.”

“Seconded. And put it on speaker.”

Dick closed his eyes in exasperation before picking up the phone doing his best to pretend he wasn’t dreading this call.

“Hello?” he greeted.

“Speaker!” Jason hissed.

Dick complied just as Cass walked into the room. She cocked her head at the scene, but joined Jason and Tim as soon as the person on the other line spoke.

“Hello, this is Ms. Andrews, Damian’s teacher. I’m looking for Mr. Wayne.”

“He’s at work right now, but I’m Damian’s older brother, and his guardian when Bruce isn’t around. Did something happen?”

Dick stuck his tongue out as his three siblings leaned forward to hear better.

“Well…” her voice was hesitant and weary – like she’d been dealing with this for too long. Dick supposed Damian could have that effect on people sometimes.

“What is it?” Dick prodded, ready to get this over with.

“He… he brought a knife to school. I saw it when his… ankle holster came loose.”

Dick looked over and saw Cass’s shoulder’s shaking, and Tim’s face going red from the effort of suppressing his laughter, and Jason…

Jason was on his knees, hands clasped, mouthing “Thank you” at the ceiling. Because apparently this was what he had been praying for.

( _Ankle holster. Why didn’t I check for that?_ )

“Um… hello? Mr.-“

“Grayson,” Dick supplied, tone blank.

“Mr. Grayson, Damian technically hasn’t broken any school rules, given there’s nothing in the student handbook that says a student can’t have weapons. But… that’s only because no one ever thought a student would actually bring a weapon into Gotham Academy.”

A strangled laugh slipped past Tim’s lips.

“Oh, what was that?”

“Cat’s coughing up a hairball,” Dick answered apathetically.

He dealt with way too much stuff really. He should probably stop making a big deal out of it.

Jason squeezed Tim’s shoulder, trying not to laugh himself.

“Oh. Well, there’s no disciplinary action we can take, but I thought you should know, and, if you wouldn’t mind, could you stop Damian from bringing any more knives to school?”

“Of course. I’m sorry for the trouble.”

She gave a short hysterical laugh. “No trouble,” she assured weakly.

Tim let out a high-pitched laugh that cut off sharply when Cass put her hand over his mouth, still letting out silent giggles.

“What-“

“The cat was dying; it choked on its hairball.”

“Oh- oh! I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay; it was Damian’s cat. He didn’t like it much anyway.”

Tim tried to glare, but was too busy trying not to let anymore laughter escape.

“…Oh. Okay. Um… have a nice day.”

“You too.”

All bets were off when he hung up, and Tim and Jason began howling with laughter. Dick thought they probably shouldn’t take so much pleasure in this, but even Cass was giving small little gasps from laughing so hard.

Dick threw his head back and sighed. “I can’t even deal with you guys right now.”

* * *

 

“Okay, Damian,” Dick said, kneeling and putting his hands on his little brother’s shoulders.

Damian blinked. “Grayson?”

“Mandatory backpack checks before and after school. If you manage to get something past me, please, please, _please_ , don’t get caught.”

“Why do I feel like this is maybe bad advice to give the Demon?”

Jason snorted.

Damian eyed Dick carefully before nodding, handing his backpack over voluntarily. “That sounds fair, I suppose.”

Dick grinned lightly and ruffled Damian’s hair. “An ankle holster. I didn’t think you’d go that far, honestly. I’m impressed.”

“I went further actually.”

“Don’t say anything,” Tim interrupted. “I want plausible deniability when you end up stabbing someone at school and they call us in as character witnesses.”

Damian sneered. “Shut up, Drake.”

“Make me, Demon.”

Dick smiled through his sigh. “You’re all ridiculous.”

“Yeah, yeah, who are you betting on for this fight?”

“Damian,” Cass said quietly. “Tim hasn’t slept in 3 days.”

( _But I still love them_.)


End file.
